Monday, September 30, 2013

Week 25 (Sept. 30, 2013 Congreso, Argentina)


Great news!!! The great mission of Buenos Aires Norte has seen 201 confirmations this month! That is the new record for this mission!!! 201 of God´s children have been confirmed members of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I feel so happy :) I think the past record was 199 or something like that. I know that God´s work is going forth and that He is preparing people to receive His everlasting Gospel. I know that this is the work of the Lord and that each one of us has the opportunity of being a part of it! We have been blessed with the truth and we need to share it! We also received about 33 more missionaries this past week and so now this mission has 235 missionaries :)
I really love teaching less active members for a specific reason. Usually at the end of  lesson we ask that the person that we are teaching says the prayer. Well when we teach less active members, they have the opportunity to pray and it is so wonderful because lots of them do not pray on their own and do not pray at all because they are super less active and do not have a desire, and so when we have a lesson with them, they have the opportunity to pray to their Heavenly Father and He gets to hear from them and I am sure He loves it so much. It is a special thing to witness and I am so thankful to be able to be a part of it! The other day we taught a less active named Bernice and she said the closing prayer and it was so sweet. She has been less active for a long time and so it was really special to hear her pray to her Heavenly Father. I love it! 
Our ward and mission in general has really been focusing on working with members. I really have a testimony of this. In this mission, we try to only have member lessons. In fact, they ask us to put 0 other lessons as a goal each day because all of out lesson need to be with members. It is hard to find members at times because everyone works here but the Lord is always helping us. We sure do have to work though haha When members are in lessons they have the opportunity to teach and testify and this really helps our investigators receive another witnesses and a learn to have trust in the members of the church. Pres. Hinckley said that each investigator needs a friend and having members in lessons is a great way for them to have friends! So I have an invitation for you all, please accompany the missionaries! You all have powerful and amazing testimonies because I have heard them and felt them and I know that people´s lives will be blessed through hearing and feeling your words. I know it is hard to find time, but even an hour is a great help! :) 

 Mom, no worries but I just wanted to ask you something. I don´t know if I should because my Heavenly Father is here to help me and I don´t think I am allowed to write about negative things but I just really need you! I am happy and I don´t want to return home or anything like that, but this past month has been really hard and I can´t really explain my thoughts like I want to but I think maybe I do have depression. And mom I really don´t want to think this if it is not true because that would create a mess. It is more of an inner thing I think because honestly i am happy and am loving my mission and all of my emails have been completely true haha :) And I am trying to work hard and I am happy outwardly But I have really been struggling inwardly or whatever the word is for that ha. Not my testimony or anything like that, but my worth or something. Ugh I just really want to talk to you mom because I don´t know how to explain it. I know my worth and that I am a daughter of God but I never feel happy with my work and I don´t know if it´s because I am not working hard enough or if I am doing okay and just a chemical imbalance or something. I always have wanted to serve a mission and thought that I would be a pretty good missionary but I see all these wonderful missionaries and I am trying not to compare but really I am. We have not seen baptisms for a while and I want to take the initiative and act and do but lots of times I don´t know how. I have feelings like I can´t do things and I don´t know if that´s just because I am lazy and need to try harder or if I really do have a condition. I just really don´t know and I am confused. I don´t want this to hinder the work and I want to serve with ALL i have. This past week I have really wanted to be with my family. I don´t know what is going on in my head! I am happy but I feel like I was happier the beginning of my mission and sometimes even at home. I don´t know, it´s like a different happy but I just want to LOVE my mission and enjoy everything and feel like lots of missionaries do about their missions. I really feel bad saying these things because I don't want you to think that I am not happy or that I am not loving my mission. Because honest I don't want to come home because I feel very privileged to be a part of this great work and to be teaching people about these eternal truths and helping them come unto Christ. I know this is a privilege! But we are not seeing people change. It started out so great but people are not keeping their commitments and not coming to church and I just think it is my fault and that I am doing something wrong. And I know you can´t tell me this time that I am doing okay because you can´t really see me. And so I don´t know what you can do but I just needed you mom. I am going to send this now so you can read it and reply and I will be writing more. But don´t worry too much mom, PLEASE. I just need to vent a bit and try to understand. 
Also mom, thanks so much for telling me that you are proud of me. That always helps me, more than you know. I really am trying and hope you know that I will be okay. Love you tons and am sending you hugs and kisses! :) 

Mom I hope I haven´t worried you. Goodness I was really debating telling you about my crazy feelings and maybe it was a bad idea. I have been debating it for a while and really praying about it as well because I don´t want it to seem like I need a pity party or anything like that, especially if it really is just me. I am sorry I have not written much today. I didn´t get to see the broadcast :( :( and general conference will be in a chapel just like you said :) oh my I am SO excited for conference. It will be different to not have it at home with the fam but it will still be the same message and I just can´t wait! I know how much you love conference and remember you always looking forward to conference time :) good memory of you mom. I have not read all the letters yet but oh my goodness thank you so much for all of them! And for the package! Ah I am spoiled!! I almost fainted when I saw those reeses  (I never know how to spell that word haha) pumpkins! They were not too mushed. Wow thanks so much mom, I sure appreciate all you do. I really want to respond to things that you write and that others have written me! And that is another thing that I have been wondering about...if depression would affect that. I just have so many things in my brain that I want to do and say and I want to respond to people and my brain has really closed minded I think. I have so much to say, but can´t. It is super hard. I promise I take interest in all that you write me! And I want to respond like all other missionaries do because I know it would be nice for you all and I really want to! But the time goes by so quickly and I can´t say too much. My thoughts are always scattered. Mom please let everyone know that I love them and am so thankful for them. Love you so much mom and hope that all is well at home. Tell baby Axel happy birthday for me :) Let dad know that I love him so much and that I could read his dear elders all day. What great angels I have for parents. You are amazing mom. And I don´t think you are stagnant at all. That is definitely NOT how I would describe you. You are an angel and amaze me so much, as does dad. I hope to REALLY reply to some of the things I have wanted to next week. Ugh so hard, but it´s worth it :) Love you mom and thanks for everything. I know that I am a daughter of God and that He loves me and all His children and that He has a plan for us. I know that His son Jesus Christ is our Savior and that He lives! 

End note from Mom:  we all kept Katelyn in our prayers with the hope that something in General Conference would touch her enough to help her.  When Elder Jeffrey R. Holland got up to speak in Conference he said that his talk was on Depression.  I couldn't believe my ears as he addressed the exact thing that Katelyn was struggling with.  It was an answer to our prayers and also a confirmation to us that we do indeed have a very loving and caring Heavenly Father who knows our needs and blesses us through others.

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